turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
