I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
