Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
