rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
