Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
