Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
