that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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