if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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