my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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