I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well I just put wine in my tea
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