How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
