I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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