Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
