So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
