shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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