Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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