So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
