What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
