The maid of honor just puked.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
