true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
