Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize