Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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