my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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