You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
