This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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