I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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