it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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