I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it's like iHOP with fire
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
