We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
