Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The adults are the big ones right?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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