Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
