and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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