It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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