i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So squirting runs in the family.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
