He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
