You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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