I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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