I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
