I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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