I wish i was in the wii world.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I supernannyed him into submission
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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