ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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