just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
