the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
