meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
