Me too!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
