Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize