Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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