sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
