I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
