Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize