In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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