Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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