you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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