Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
