Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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