Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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