he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Randomize
