The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
