I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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