smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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