The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
