Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
