You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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