You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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