Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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