Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
