He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
