we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Who died my cat blue again?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
