I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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