The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize