I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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