Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
