The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize