You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
