I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
