I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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