Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
