in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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