I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize