for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
