Me too!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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