Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
