does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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