"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
