Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
