If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize