thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
