She's JV to your varsity
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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