My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
