I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
