dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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