I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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