i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
