Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
