Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
