I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize