Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
