Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
