i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
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