Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize