Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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