maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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