so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
