this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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