your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
