My room smells like vodka and shame
Pants 0. Shit 1.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
