Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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