Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
